Hold Your Peace

A Short Story By Lo Brewer

Couples/Marriage/Rings © Richkat/Pixabay

Guy perused the tabloids at the checkout whenever he was in line.  He’d never told anyone that he bought every magazine that mentioned his mother.  He kept a collection in a box in the closet.  But he was surprised to see the latest headlines.  Kiki Waller to Wed Terry Fleming! Could this be true? Was his mother actually going to settle down and commit to another human being? Katrina Watkins might have been capable of love. But Kiki Waller had ceased being Katrina Watkins 15 years ago.  And Guy was convinced, Kiki Waller was incapable of love.

The space between Guy and his mother began to grow when he was just eight-years-old. Despite the time and space he remembered the last time he saw his mother face to face very clearly.  Katrina spent all of the money she received from her two jobs to travel from Philadelphia to New York City to audition for Broadway and Off-Broadway and Off-off-Broadway shows. She finally came home from one of those auditions with good news. She would be playing Deena Jones in a revival of Dreamgirls.  But there was one catch. The show wasn’t being produced on Broadway.  Instead, Katrina would be touring the country for over a year.  But it was the break she needed.  While she was on the road, Guy and his brother, Cameron, who was just a toddler, stayed with their grandmother.

At the end of the tour, which had its final stop in Los Angeles, Katrina called home to let her family know that she’d be staying in LA for at least few months to see if she could get representation and land a part on a network show.  Still flying high off a very successful tour, she was confident she could do anything.  She promised she would send for the boys as soon as she could.

A few months turned into a few years. Sending for her children turned into occasionally sending a meager check to their grandmother to help her care for them.

By the time Guy was 13 he had given up on ever seeing his mother again.  He would have loved to forget she existed all together. But her growing fame didn’t allow him to erase her completely.  Katrina, who’d changed her name to Kiki, was often in the tabloids for her dating exploits and excessive partying.  She had a regular part on a soap opera and the boys, who only heard from her on Christmas or their birthdays, got to know their mother through magazine articles and interviews. It was one such interview in Soap Opera Digest, that changed how Guy looked at her forever. When asked if she ever thought she would settle down and start a family she responded, “Kids really aren’t for me.”  Guy was devastated, and Cameron was confused. She later explained (through her manager Alphonso) that it would be bad for her image if people knew that she had children.  Cameron, having never really known his mother, was easily satiated with that excuse. But Guy vowed to hold on to the anger and rage that her denial of them garnered.

Reading that his mother was getting married was a blow in itself.  But who she was getting married to presented another problem.  Terry Fleming, a fellow actor, was a widower with two sons.  Katrina, who had never publicly, or privately for that matter, been much of a mother to Guy and Cameron, would now be step-mother to someone else’s children.

Guy was barely through the sliding doors of the supermarket before he was on the phone to Alphonso.

“Phons, man, is what I’m hearing true?” Guy asked.

“That depends Guy.  What are you hearing?”

“Don’t play with me.  You know what I’m talking about. Is the old Katrina really getting married?”

“Yes, Guy.  I’m sorry you had to find out like this.  I thought I would be able to call you before the news came out.”

“I guess our invitations got lost in the mail. Because why wouldn’t Katrina, oh, excuse me, Kiki, want her mother and two sons at her wedding? Oh, that’s right, cus the world thinks her mother is dead and that we don’t exist.”

“Guy, you need to understand. The wedding is going to be featured as part of a reality special.  Having the three of you there might be hard to explain away,” Alphonso said. “Look, I don’t know why you let your mother rile you up like this.  Don’t take it personally.  Your mother has always been a free spirit.  She needs to live her life on her own terms.  Unfortunately, those terms haven’t included her family.  And I know that must be a terrible thing to hear.  But I’ve always shot straight with you kids.  And now that you’re grown up, you’re going to have to find a way to move on.”

“How can I move on?!” Guy asked.

“I don’t know.  Would money do the trick? I can cut you a check today.”

“No! You know I’ve never asked her for a dime of her hush money,” Guy said.

“So, what is it that you want Guy? Why did you call me?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe I called you cus at least you pick up. Sorry to have ruined your day.  I’ll go.”

“Guy wait.  How about you come to the wedding,” Alphonso suggested.

“All three of us?”

“No Guy, just you.  Also you’d have to agree to keep your mouth shut the entire time.  Don’t refer to Kiki as Katrina.  And you are to absolutely under no circumstances say that she is your mother.”

“Is this after thought of an invitation supposed to appease me?” Guy asked.

“Yes.  All you’ve ever wanted was to be included in your mother’s life, right? Well here’s your one and only chance.  Take it or leave it,” Alphonso said.

Two weeks later Guy was on a flight from Philadelphia to Los Angeles.

As Guy walked up the driveway of his mother’s Bel-Air mansion he couldn’t help but to chuckle to himself.  Katrina Watkins turned Kiki Waller, Philly girl turned princess of Bel-Air, she was a caricature of herself.

Alphonso opened the door before Guy had a chance to ring the doorbell.

“Come on in,” Alphonso said with a huff. “Kiki is getting ready.  She knows you’re here. She’ll be down in a second.”

“Kiki? You mean my…”

“That’s enough.  Stop it right now.  I don’t want to have to treat you like a child but I will.  You know the rules that we discussed over the phone.  I’ll have your ass hauled out of here if you can’t keep it together.”

Guy stood nervously in the foyer clutching his carry-on bag, unsure of what to do with himself.   He’d seen her home in pictures, but never in person, and it was a marvel albeit a little gaudy.  Alfonso looked at him and shook his head.

“Come with me,” Alphonso said with a wave.  “You can put your things down in the pool house,”  Guy followed him back through the main house, past the pool and into a smaller house that he could fit his entire apartment in several times over. 

He was left alone with his thoughts that were scattered and frenzied.  What would he say to her? Would he immediately confront her? He began practicing his attack in his head. After a few minutes, the air in the room changed.  Guy turned around and saw his mother standing before him.  She looked like a moving picture.  Everything slowed and muted. Katrina was in soft focus as she floated towards him in her embroidered duster.

“Guy! Let me look at you!” she exclaimed as she grabbed his hands and held them out to his sides as if to open him up. She hugged him around the waist, her tiny frame was lost in all six feet four inches of him.  He wrapped her up in a hug even though he had all intentions of laying into her as soon as he saw her.  Her hugs used to make him feel safe.  But this embrace left something to be desired.

Katrina grabbed him by the hand and began to lead him through the house.  She showed him the large outdoor space where the wedding and reception would take place. There were several people from the production team setting up cameras and other equipment.  She walked him through the house and introduced him to the staff, making sure to instruct them to tend to his every want and need. Guy tried to take in everything as he walked. He realized that he’d let his jaw go slack as she showed him the game room and theater in the west wing of her home.  The tour ended where it began, in the pool house, Guy’s lodging for the weekend.  He hadn’t said a word since first setting eyes on her.  Katrina’s energy was like a vent that sucked all the air out of the room.  There was space for her and her only.

She was about to walk out of the room when Guy called to her.

“Mom…”

She turned slowly.  The cheerful face that was there during the first hour of their reconnection was gone. She didn’t respond to his call, just stared coldly.

“I mean, Aunt Kiki,” he fumbled…big. “I just wanted to say that I’m happy to be here. Thank you.” He lied.  He wasn’t sure how he felt.  And happy wasn’t quite the right word.

“Oh of course!” She said.  The smile had returned to her face. “Anything for my favorite nephew.  Now you just get comfortable.  The rehearsal dinner is this evening.  If you’re not too tired from your flight, we’d love to have you there.  And if you’d rather not be bothered by guests, I can have my chef whip you up something and bring it here to your room.”  She stressed the latter in such a way that Guy knew she wanted him to stay out of sight.

“Oh Aunt Kiki, I wouldn’t dream of sitting out the rehearsal dinner.  I’ll be there with bells on,” Guy said making sure to match her fraudulent smile and insincere tone.

“Very well,” Kiki responded.  She realized then that her son was possibly as good an actor as she.  This was a chess game and he’d just checked her.

Katrina told Guy that dinner would be served promptly at 8pm in the dining room.  He showed up at 7:30 only to find out that dinner had been in full swing for 30 minutes. When he walked into the dinning room, the long table was fully seated sans one seat next to his mother.

“Ah there he is!” she said. “Please excuse my nephew’s tardiness.  He must be extremely jet lagged from his flight today. Don’t fret Guy,” she said turning to her son. “I told them all about you.”

He leaned down and kissed her cheek. 

“I thought you said dinner was at eight, Aunt Kiki,” he whispered.

“Did I?” she said, clutching her pearls.

The short moment of affection he’d shared with that hug earlier, was completely forgotten.  She was just what he thought she was, a con.  She had no intentions of ever telling the world about family or past.  Since she wasn’t going to come clean, he decided he would have to do it for her. The rehearsal dinner wouldn’t be the right time for his big reveal.  She had already completely taken control of the situation by forcing him to be late and controlling the narrative.  Also, there were only a few friends at this dinner.  If he were to out her lies, his antics could have easily been explained away or spun.  No, he would take her down at the wedding which would be full of press, reality tv cameras, and all her celebrity friends.

The next day was a blur.  When Guy woke up, people with headsets, production staff no doubt, were rushing in every direction.  Before he had a chance to wipe the cold from his eyes, a tailor was walking into his room.  He offered to alter the suit that Guy brought to wear to the wedding, but he refused.

The wedding itself was quite a spectacle. Katrina and Terry hit their marks perfectly.  Their vows, likely penned by a team of writers, were the perfect declaration of love. Terry’s sons stood up for him wearing twin designer suits.  Guy felt that maybe he should have taken the tailor up on his offer. 

As Katrina and Terry walked down the aisle, doves were released. Tough they looked genuinely happy, Guy convinced himself that this too, was an act.  Katrina didn’t look in his direction when she passed.  But she likely didn’t see him.  He’d been placed in a back row, flanked by security who were no doubt stationed there to keep him in line.

During the reception he was surrounded by the most random of people. Seated at table 15 was Katrina’s nail technician, her dog walker, four production staff seat fillers, and her first born son.

Throughout the cocktail hour Guy downed several whisky gingers.  Then came the moment he’d been waiting for: the toasts.  He was primed and ready to go.  When Alphonso stood to make a toast, Guy was on him, snatching the microphone from his hand. Alphonso looked at him indignantly and whispered, “Don’t do this.”

“I have to,” Guy said.  When he looked at his mother, he expected her face to be filled with terror.  But he was met with a reserved, unreadable stare.

“Hi everybody,” Guy started.  “Even though a couple of you met me last night at the rehearsal dinner, most of you don’t know me. Ever since I arrived, Kiki’s long lost nephew Guy from Philly, I’ve wanted to say something.  I just thought that you all should know something about my Aunt Kiki, something that she’s probably never shared with you.” Guy turned to look at his mother who had a slight smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She was resigned to what was about to happen.  She’s found a way to soften, to make her peace with Guy speaking his. She mouthed the words, “It’s okay baby.” And that’s when he knew he couldn’t do it.  He didn’t need to do it, to blow up her entire world. Was he being the bigger person? Maybe.  But he instantly lost the desire to take his mother down.

“I just wanted to say that my Aunt Kiki is really, she’s really my, my, my hero.  She had a dream.  And she chased it down, tackled it and made it her bitch.  She didn’t find fame fast. But once she got a hold of it she cherished it.  And she’s had to sacrifice a lot, friendships, relationships, love.  But she’s got Terry and his boys now.  She’ll finally get the chance to be a great mom.  I’m sure she doesn’t take this responsibility lightly. Anyway, I guess that’s all I have to say. The open bar is kicking in.  So I’ll shut up before I embarrass myself.”

Guy handed the microphone back to Alphonso and headed straight to the pool house.  He hastily packed his bag and ordered a car. He sat on the bed looking around at the life that his mother had built for herself, a life he wasn’t part of, a life he knew now he could never be part of, when she walked into the room.

“Guy I…”

“Don’t Mom, it’s okay.  I’m gonna go.  You don’t have to worry about me anymore,” Guy said. He could feel the tears welling in his eyes.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be the mother you want me to be, or need me to be.  I can try to be better.  But I’m always going to be me.”

Guy reached out and pulled her to him to stop her from talking.  He didn’t need her to make promises that she likely couldn’t keep.  He just needed her, in that moment, to hold him close, like she used to. Since he was still seated and she standing, felt small in her embrace.  He was brought back to that safe space that he hadn’t felt in years.

“Sir, there’s a car here for you. Shall I bring your things to the front?” the butler asked as he stood in the doorway.

“Yes, thank you,” Guy replied.  He stood and gave his mother a kiss on the forehead and turned to walk to his awaiting car.

As the driver put Guy’s carry-on in the trunk, Katrina’s assistant came running outside with a bag in her hand.

“You forgot this Guy.  It’s the wedding favor!” she said.

“Uh thanks…what is this?” Guy asked as he pulled out the DVD set.

“It’s the advanced screener of the new show that your aunt and Terry are starring in,” she said.

“Interesting title,” Guy said.

“Yea, the critics think Mother of the Century is going to be a real hit.”

“I bet,” Guy said. He sat down in the car and stared at the cover of the DVD case the whole way to the airport.

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