"The Au Pair"
A Short Story By Lo Brewer
Old Man © Graham Crumb/Wikipedia Commons
Mama rang the doorbell again. It was the third time. Next she’d knock. Sometimes it took three rings and two knocks. Other times it took four rings and one knock. It all depended on how long Pop-Pop had been talking to Mr. Wolf. That’s what Mama called it when he drank Rabid Wolf Gin, his every day, all day, hanging buddy. Today he answered the door just as Mama was going to try for knock number one.
“Lee! What are you doing here?” he said with sincere surprise.
“Daddy, I called you this morning and told you that you’d have to watch Leydy,” Mama said pushing her way into his apartment. “Seriously, it was only a few hours ago.”
She put down my backpack and started rattling off instructions that fell on deaf ears.
“Ladybug! Looks like you and Pop-Pop are gonna have a ball today! What do you want to do first?” he asked me.
“Daddy, listen. Leydy needs to eat first. I packed her a few snacks and dinner. Make sure she uses her nebulizer if she gets wheezy. I’ll make sure to check in on you in a few hours. So I need you to pick up the phone when I call. And I should be here to pick her up around midnight.”
“I’m kinda slow and stupid…you should probably write all of that down for me,” Pop-Pop said. When Mama turned to find a pad of paper, he winked at me. “She thinks I’m an idiot you know. Like I ain’t never raised a child.”
“OK Daddy, here’s your list. And here’s $20 in case you need to get anything for Leydy. Do not, I repeat, do not go spend it on alcohol. And don’t let me find out that you’ve taken her to Buzz’s. Got it?”
“Aye, aye, captain,” he said with a mocking salute. She rolled her eyes, kissed me on the forehead and was out the door in all in one motion.
My mother grew up in this apartment. And if you let her tell it she had the saddest childhood in history. Her mother and brother died in a car accident when she was just 10-years-old. Faced with raising a little girl all on his own, my grandfather, who’d always been a drinker, became an even more avid fan of spirits. He still somehow managed to function. For nearly 40 years he maintained his job at the glass factory in town. It was where everyone, who didn’t flee the sad existence of this neighborhood, went to let their dreams die.
Even though she still had her father, she was virtually alone. Pop-Pop spent half of his time working and the other half drinking. She often wondered why God saw fit to take her mother and instead of him. They were stuck together and she hated him for being alive.
Despite all of that, he provided what he could for her. She had a roof over her head, albeit in the projects. She had food, though it came mostly out of dented cans. And even when it was time for her to go to college, he did what he could. She was in her room packing a small box of things to take with her to school when he called her into the living room. He held out a shoebox to her. When she opened it, it was full of cash. It was money he and her mother had put aside for her and her brother. When her mother died, he kept adding to the fund, making sure that no matter how bad he needed a drink, to NEVER touch it.
She didn’t want the money. It made her feel disgusting to even hold it in her hands. But even though she was spiteful, she wasn’t stupid. She knew she needed that money. So she said thank you and returned to her room to finish packing.
She was three years into her residency when she got pregnant with me. She was dating another resident, my dad, Stanley. They weren’t married and neither wanted to start a family. But his strict Catholic upbringing persuaded him to “do the right thing.”
They married and my father continued with his studies. My mom stopped going to school altogether. My parents couldn’t afford to both go to school and take care of me. So she put school on hold and every penny went to my father’s education. By the time I was in pre-school, Dad had opened a small practice and did consultations at the hospital. We moved into a house, a few towns over from Pop-Pop. We might as well have been a few states away because until a few years ago, I didn’t even know he existed. A few years ago, that was when everything went sideways in our family.
My au pair (it’s what fancy people call a babysitter), Irene, started living with us. My dad suggested it. He said it would be easier for her to help out with me in the morning and before bed time if she lived in our home. My mother didn’t object. She liked Irene, and she knew that I loved her. But a year of Irene’s occupancy in our home was all it took for my dad to fall in love with her too. He told my mom that I could stay, but she had to go.
I didn’t stay. There’s no way Mama would have left me with Irene after this. So we both left. She went back to school. She took on one minimum wage job after another. I still went to private school, which my father paid for. But they didn’t have any after school programs. So I needed after school care. I used to have Irene. But Mama refused to let me be left alone with her. And Daddy refused to pay for daycare because he felt Irene could do it. So Mama was left to figure out what to do with me while she worked. She couldn’t afford to hire the au pairs that her rich friends suggested. But she wanted to keep up appearances with these doctors’ wives she’d once thought of as close friends. The first time she took me to Pop-Pop’s apartment she made me promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone about who my new au pair was. In fact, we’d come up with a cover story. After school I was cared for by “Thomasina,” a nice woman from Ecuador that my mother had found through an agency.
I was really scared during my first few visits. I’d never been in a neighborhood like his before. And my mother didn’t do much to dissuade my fears. She just told me that I was to behave myself and she would be back soon to pick me up. I sat with my coat on in a chair by the door until she returned. Pop-Pop tried to talk to me, to get me to play. But I refused to even look him in the eye. It wasn’t until three visits later that he stopped talking to me. Instead he pulled an old puzzle out of the closet, spread it on the table and began working on it. After an hour of silence, I crept over and sat across from him. He didn’t say a word, just pushed the box close to me so I could see the picture on the front. We finished a 1000-piece puzzle in two hours. When Mama came to pick me up I was asleep in the bedroom having eaten a grilled cheese sandwich my grandfather made for me. He was next to me, more passed out than asleep, having drank half a bottle of gin.
I started to get excited every time I got to go over Pop-Pop’s house. I liked the familiar smell of his apartment…a combination of hot sauce, Old Spice and gin. He’d sometimes take me to Buzz’s, the bar across the street. His friends there, other regulars, would sit me on their laps and let me help them play chess. Sometimes they’d give me change to put in the jukebox. Other times he’d drag his lawn chair down to the courtyard and let me play on the jungle gym with the other kids from the projects.
In addition to being warned to behave, to listen to Pop-Pop, I was also given instructions for caring for him. I was never sure who was in charge, him or me. She wasn’t the only one dishing out instructions. From him I was always told what I could and couldn’t tell Mama about our time spent together. I should never mention Buzz’s. I should never talk about him falling asleep in his lawn chair while I played unsupervised. And under no circumstances was I to tell her exactly how much he drank. Although, he was often passed out when she came to get me. So I’m sure she didn’t need a blow by blow of what went on while I was in his care.
Yet and still, I was always clean, well fed, and, most importantly, alive when she picked me up. And since she didn’t have to pay an au pair, something she couldn’t have afforded anyway, she continued to leave me with him.
When she dropped me off this time it was because she was going to a gala to benefit the hospital. It was the kind of fancy event my parents used to attend together. But this time my mother would be going alone, and my father would be bringing Irene. Also in attendance, would be several of my parents’ mutual friends, fellow doctors and their wives, the same women who offered the services of their au pairs to my mom. Little did they know I had the best au pair of all.
After mom dropped me off, Pop-Pop and I watched TV for a bit. Then he took me outside to play while he went to Buzz’s. He told me as soon as the street lights came on I should meet him at Buzz’s because he didn’t want me playing in the dark.
I was outside for about a half hour when it started to happen, an asthma attack. I’d had so many that I knew exactly when one was upon me and what to do. I started wheezing, then my chest tightened. By the time I’d made it to the bottom of the slide I could barely breathe. I reached in my pocket for my inhaler only to remember that I’d left it inside. I had to make a choice, try to make it up the stairs to Pop-Pop’s apartment or try to make it across the street to Buzz’s. I went for the latter. But after taking a few steps I couldn’t move another inch. Titi, one of my ‘project friends,’ as Mama called them, ran over to me.
“Ley, you alright? Need me to get your granddad?” he asked. I managed a nod and he called over to Punchy to stay with me while he ran across the street.
Moments later Pop-Pop stumbled out and over to me.
“Ladybug, need me to get your nebu-thingie?” he asked, unable to pronounce nebulizer. I shook my head no and grabbed onto the cross hanging from my neck and held it up to him.
“Cross? I don’t understand. Christ? Christ Memorial!?” he shouted. I nodded yes. It was the hospital my mom was interning at and my father occasionally consulted at. It was also the hospital for which the gala was being held tonight.
Titi ran back over to Buzz’s to tell him that we needed a ride to the hospital. Pop-pop picked me up and held me as we sat in the back of Buzz’s Cadillac. I don’t remember much about the ride or what happened when we first got to the hospital. But by the time my parents…and Irene, got there I was sitting up in bed doing another breathing treatment.
Mama looked horrified. Daddy was too annoyed with Pop-Pop to be upset about my attack.
“Lee-Anne, what is she doing with him?” my father asked.
“Jesus Stan, that’s not even remotely what’s important right now,” My mom said. Then she turned to me, “How’s my baby doing?” She suddenly looked so tired.
“Lee, I’m sorry. I forgot to give her the nebu…the thing that you brought with the tubes. I forgot. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
“It’s OK Daddy. I think she’s gonna be OK. Right sweetie?” she asked. I nodded.
“She’s not fine Lee-Anne. She’s in the hospital. She could have died for Pete’s sake. Meanwhile your Dad was sitting around getting wasted.”
“I thought she got a new au pair,” Irene muttered under her breath.
“That’s what she told me,” my dad replied.
“I’m doing the best I can Stanley! And Irene, how about you try shutting the fuck up. It’s not enough that you take my husband…you need to weigh in on my current station in life too.”
“Lee-Anne, I would appreciate if you wouldn’t speak to Irene that way…”
Just then the doctor came in.
“Lee-Anne, Stanley, so good to see you two. I’d hoped to see you at the gala, but unfortunately I got stuck here tonight.”
“Herb, it’s nice catching up. But would you mind getting to what’s going on with our daughter please?” my mom said. She was trying her best to not look as annoyed as she was.
“Right, of course. So it looks like Leydy had a pretty bad asthma attack. But she’s doing much better now thanks to your baby sitter. He got her here quickly, gave me a run down of her medicines. I was very impressed.”
“I, I wrote down the name of her medicine and put it in my wallet just in case. I wouldn’t be able to remember on my own. So I wrote it down,” Pop-Pop said beaming with pride.
“Where ever did you find him?” Dr. Herb asked. “You must give me the name of the agency he’s from. My wife and I are actually looking for a new au pair ourselves. She told me how you were asking around a while ago and she gave you the name of our old girl. But you told her you’d found someone. This must be the guy. You know I never really thought about having a male nanny. What do they call them these days? Manny right? Hilarious! So yea, just let us know where you got him and…”
“Herb, I didn’t realize it until now, but this manny of mine has really come through for me these past few years. In fact, he’s been coming through for me for a long time. And I’m really proud of him. He’s not my au pair. Doctor,” my mother said grabbing my grandfather’s hand, “I’d like you to meet my father, Mr. Thomas Edwards.”
I don’t know if anyone could tell, but beneath my nebu-thingie mask, I was sporting a giant smile.
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This story is dedicated to my Pop-Pop, my best bud, my puzzle partner, my teddy bear gifter…my au pair.
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